Quote of the Day: “You never really know what someone is carrying. Take time to pause because that’s where the empathy lives.”

3 a.m. in a Big Box Store, and What It Reminded Me

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: You never really know what someone is carrying.

There is always more to the story you can’t see, the parts that don’t show up in meetings, emails, or quick conversations. We make judgments based on moments, often forgetting that people arrive carrying history, pressure, fear, hope, and exhaustion long before we ever interact with them.

Most of the time, people aren’t just reacting to what is happening right in front of them. They are responding from everything that came before it and sometimes it’s not been great.

I have this memory of being in a big box store at 3 a.m., buying Tylenol for one of our girls who was sick. As I walked through the store, half awake and running on fumes, I noticed there were no fewer than ten other families walking around with kids. At 3 a.m.

Almost immediately, my very tired brain went to work. I wondered what in the world these families were doing there and why they had all of their kids with them in the middle of the night. It was a quick observation, and if I’m honest, it came from exhaustion more than anything else.

It only took a few deep breaths for the shift to happen.

Not everyone there had someone who could stay home with their sick child so they could run out alone to make a quick and urgent purchase. Not everyone has backup. Not everyone has options. I also thought about my dad, who worked third shift for forty years. His schedule made absolutely no sense to anyone but him. Eating steak and potatoes or shopping at 3 a.m. wasn’t strange at all, it was normal. It was his lunch break.

That moment forced me to reframe my thinking.

Because the truth is, I wasn’t standing there as some kind of number one mom. I was in sleep pants, my hair was in a bun, I was exhausted, and I was likely covered in some combination of fluids from sick kids. My situation wasn’t better than anyone else’s, and it certainly wasn’t the same as theirs.

That pause mattered. And it always does.

It gave me just enough space to see real people instead of turning them into problems to solve or stories to judge. It pulled me out of a blaming or fixing mindset and moved me into curiosity and understanding.

That moment stuck with me, not because it was dramatic, but because it was ordinary. It was a reminder of how quickly we create stories about people based on a single snapshot, and how rarely those stories are accurate.

We do this all the time.

In meetings.
In email threads.
In conversations where tone gets lost and stress fills in the gaps.

We assume someone is difficult, disengaged, or careless, when the reality is that they may be carrying far more than we can see. People don’t show up as isolated moments. They bring their whole lives with them, even when they’re doing their best to keep it together.

Curiosity doesn’t excuse behavior, and it doesn’t remove the need for boundaries or accountability. But it does slow us down enough to respond with intention instead of assumption. It gives us space to ask better questions instead of jumping to conclusions.

And this is where leadership, parenting, and relationships quietly take shape.

You don’t have to understand everything someone is carrying. You don’t have to fix it.

But you do get to choose how you show up.

That pause, the one that happens between observation and judgment, is where empathy lives. It’s where dignity is either protected or quietly taken away. Choosing curiosity over judgment shifts the temperature in a room and changes how people experience us.

People are not problems to be solved. They are people who deserve to be seen, heard, and treated with dignity, even when we don’t agree with their choices or understand their circumstances.

Especially then.

That choice, made in ordinary moments, changes everything.

Because life and growth aren’t about perfection, they’re about giving ourselves and the people around us the clarity and confidence to show up well.

Grab a notebook, or just pause for a minute, and work through these three things this week:

Notice where you are filling in the gaps.
Pay attention to the moments where you make quick assumptions about someone’s behavior. Ask yourself what story you’re telling and whether it’s based on facts or fatigue.
Pointers: Pay attention to your first thought when someone frustrates you. That’s often where assumptions live. Ask yourself what you actually know versus what you’re assuming.
Roadblocks: Fatigue, stress, and urgency make assumptions feel like facts. When you’re tired, your brain wants shortcuts. Grab some rest if you need it. (Remember the saying, “When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?”— this is the real life rendition of it. Sleep if you need it!
Practice the pause.
Before reacting, take a breath. Create just enough space to choose curiosity over judgment. You don’t have to understand everything, you just have to slow down long enough to see the person in front of you.
Pointers: One breath before responding can change everything. Use it before replying to an email, reacting in a meeting, or having a hard conversation. A good standard to apply: if you are upset or hurt by a message you receive, DO NOT respond for 24 hours. Write it up and save it if you want, but do not send it until you have cooled off. Burnt bridges cannot be crossed again.
Roadblocks: The need to be right, fix things quickly, or prove a point often rushes the pause right out the door.
Respond with dignity.
Whether it’s a conversation, an email, or a difficult moment, choose a response that protects dignity, yours and theirs. Clarity and accountability can coexist with humanity.
Pointers: You can be clear and kind at the same time. Speak in a way that allows the other person to stay human, even when accountability is needed. When someone is mean, blaming, or intentionally hurtful, respond with clarity instead of emotion.
“I’ve had time to reflect. I’m open to feedback, but I won’t engage in conversations that are hurtful or blaming. If we’re continuing, it needs to be respectful.”
Roadblocks: When emotions are high, it’s easy to slide into tone, blame, or defensiveness instead of clarity.